Rediscover Yourself

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”  – Lao Tzu

How well do you know yourself?  I used to laugh at the question.  Of course, I know myself – I know myself better than anyone else in the world, I thought.    But when things started going really awry in my life, I began to doubt my self-knowledge.  Why was I repeating the same mistakes over and over again?  Why couldn’t I clear emotional or psychological hurdles?  Why was I feeling so lost, so bored, so lonely, so meh, as they say in The Simpsons? I piled up my stack of journals from over the years and sat down to read through them.  I realized that I didn’t do a lot of the things I had loved to do as a child or teen anymore.  I didn’t read or write poetry anymore, I didn’t pursue the hobbies I had pursued or take the time I should to spend with family and friends.  I realized that the grown-up me had lost touch with the me I used to be as well as the me I wanted to be.

I decided to try an exercise, and sat down for several hours writing about myself, just jotting notes, and making lists.  It was amazing, I felt like I was getting to know myself again.  I started doing things I used to love again, I started feeling more energized, more positive, and more grateful.

“He who knoweth his own self, knoweth God” – Muhammad

It really is fun to get to know yourself and this exercise is a lot of fun.   Get to know yourself better by looking  at your life, at your childhood, your teen years, your adulthood and write down the things that you loved, the things you feared, the things you did.  So snuggle up on the couch, go to the park, sit out in the sun, put on some good music – do whatever it is that puts you in a good place and start your trip down memory lane.  Rediscover yourself.  Find the things that made and make you happy. Admit it, you are the most interesting person you know.  You like finding out about yourself.  You like getting to know yourself.  Perhaps you like reading your Astrology Chart, or you’ve been to a Palm Reader.  Perhaps you are in therapy or have tried Psychoanalysis.  Even if you haven’t done any of these things, the fact of the matter is, it is human nature to want to talk about yourself.

It is human nature to want to know more about yourself, to understand what makes you tick and how to discover the potential within. We take IQ tests, personality tests, compatibility tests.  We may brag about our children, our relationships, our accomplishments, even our failures.  It is fun to talk about yourself, especially if the person you are talking to is interested in you. To be honest, though, when you are talking, the person you are talking to is trying to formulate his or her own response to your story.  The person you are sharing with is most likely just waiting for you to take a breath so he can start talking about himself.  The “But enough about me, let’s talk about you… what do YOU think of me?” syndrome.

Don’t be surprised if, in the course of doing this exercise, you are bombarded with a lot of feelings, both positive and negative.  One of the most interesting things about looking at yourself at different times in your life is the opportunity to rediscover the simple things you enjoyed as a child and find that you still enjoy them as an adult.  You will realize things you have forgotten, you will see how your values, your life focus, your hopes and dreams, have changed over the years.

Perhaps you will find that your beliefs changed dramatically when you were in your teens or that your fear of water stemmed from being dunked in the pool repeatedly by your big brother.  You may discover that there are a few hopes and dreams that are constants in your life. If you dreamed of being something or doing something as a child, a teen, and an adult, then why haven’t you done it?  If you have a proven talent, why aren’t you taking full advantage of it? You can share this exercise with someone else or you can keep it to yourself.  Keep in mind, though, that like a diary, it is better to write as if you are the only one that is going to see this, otherwise you might filter things and edit yourself.  Be totally open, be honest with yourself.

THE TOPICS

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Your accomplishments can be things that you achieved recognition for or not, what do you  see as your accomplishments?  It can be something as simple as learning to bake or something as lofty as winning the Nobel Peace Prize, write from the heart what you personally feel your accomplishments have been.

TALENTS

You have natural talents and acquired talents, some real, and some perceived.  Perhaps as a child you thought you were an incredible singer, only to learn you were tone deaf when you tried out for the high school choir.  Perhaps you had perfect pitch as a child and you still have it today.  Whether perceived or real, the talents you thought you had or think you have are important.  Consider here, also what other people say your talents are.  Make a notation, is this talent a talent you think you have or thought you had or a talent your parents, teachers, friends, colleagues see or saw  in you.

BEST TRAITS AND QUALITIES

What were your best qualities and what are they now?  As we grow older we often lose a lot of the qualities we had in our younger years, think about your personality, your appearance, your learning styles, your levels of curiosity, your openness, your sense of wonder, respect, whatever.  Compliment yourself here.

WORST TRAITS AND QUALITIES

There are things you don’t like about yourself.  What did you consider your worst flaws when you were younger.  As a small child, I thought wearing glasses was a fate worse than death and in my teen years I agonized over my fat legs.  My mother hated that I always spoke my mind…List your worst traits and flaws here as you saw them and as others perceived you (Mom and Dad when you were a child, your peers when you were a teen, your significant other now).  Note on your list whether it was yourself, or others who saw you in a certain way.

MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE – YOUR PERSONAL HEROES

Who are your heroes today and who were they when you were younger?  Did you idolize your mother, father, aunt, uncle, teacher?  Did you admire particular historical figures, public figures or writers?  Did you fantasize about Superman or some fictional hero or heroine?  Why are these people/characters important to you?  Observe here why and how your heroes have changed or not changed over the years and think of the traits you admired in them.

FAVORITE HOBBIES, SPORTS  AND ACTIVITIES

What were your passions, your favourite things to do as a child, a teen, adult?  How many of the things that you got absolute pure pleasure out of when you were younger do you still do today?  Have you lost touch with some of the simple pleasures that made you happy when you were younger?  Something as simple as remembering your childhood fantasies of being a great singer could lead to your singing more in the shower and finding pleasure in it.

FAVORITE BOOKS, MUSIC, TV SHOWS AND MOVIES

The music you love, the books you cherish, the tv shows you tune into regularly, the movies that thrill and inspire all say a bit about you.  It’s great fun to take a walk down memory lane with this exercise, share it with your family and friends.  Compare your favourites then and now.  This can be especially fun with movies as you compare a favourite movie from 20 years ago, say, with a movie made this year.  Did you love Pride and Prejudice when you were younger, have you read it recently?  What about listening to your favourite band or singer from your teen years – what do you think today?

SADDEST MOMENTS

What were the saddest moments in your life?  What personal or global events made you cry, made you ache, how did these moments affect your life?

HAPPIEST MOMENTS

Your happiest moments are always fun to recall, that special picnic with your father, your wedding, your graduation, playing board games with your family, going to Disneyland, a vacation, the birth of your child.  Make a list of the things that made you happy then and make you happy now – be generous here, write every little thing you can think of down.  Try to do this quickly and write everything that pops into your head.  It’s fun and it will make you smile, I promise.

HOPES AND DREAMS

What did you want to be when you grew up?  What do you want to achieve in your life now?  How many of your hopes and dreams have become reality and which ones have changed over the years?  As a child you may have dreamed of being a doctor, a policeman, a teacher.  As a teen, your life goals may have changed to reflect your actual talents a bit more, and as an adult, they may have changed based on reality, based on opportunities and responsibilities.  Your hopes and dreams can also be general, being popular, helping others, seeing the ocean,  writing a book…write them all down.  Do you have fewer hopes and dreams now then you did as a child?  If so, we are going to try to change that!

BELIEFS

What did you believe in and what do you believe in now?  As a child perhaps you believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the omnipresence of your parents.  As a teen, maybe you were a rebel and believed that all adults were idiots.  As an adult, maybe you have strong beliefs about God, about right and wrong, about yourself.  What were the beliefs that shaped you and what are they now?

FEARS AND INSECURITIES

Fear and insecurity are great cripplers. We all need fear in our life, to be totally fearless would be dangerous and reckless, you need to be afraid of things that might harm you physically, most of these fears are instinctual or taught to us at an early age.  Other fears, the fears that really pervade our lives and cripple us are emotional, they are often irrational, and they almost always stop us from achieving all we can.  What have your greatest fears been in your life?  Fear of failure, success, disapproval, water, flying, public speaking, snakes, spiders, not being loved…there are many things to be afraid of and knowing those fears and conquering them can free you to live more fully.

You are the sum total of all your experiences, of your memories, of your hopes, dreams, and beliefs.  Everyone that has touched you in your life will touch those that you touch, everyone that you have ever loved keeps loving others through you.  Embrace yourself, embrace the child, teen and adult you are and have been.  Love yourself, flaws and all.  Take the time to know yourself, make friends with yourself, and, most of all, love yourself.  Be your parent, your child, your lover, your own best friend.  Rediscover the wonder, the small pleasures, the smiles, and now, right now wrap your arms around yourself and say, “I love this person, the person I was, the person I am, and the person I am becoming”. 

SEE how awesome you are. See how you were as a child and teen and how you are now. Reconnect with your younger self,

BE aware of how memories affect you; of who you are now, who you wanted to be when you were younger, and who you want to be in the future. Embrace the former and present you.

DO consider reigniting things you loved in the past but have lost touch with because life is complex and memory is fleeting.