How to Overcome Negativism

“The best way to overcome undesirable or negative thoughts and feelings is to cultivate the positive ones.” —  William Atkinson

Experiencing negative emotions is one thing, being negative on a regular basis is another.  For your physical and mental well-being, it is necessary to overcome any bias toward negativity you have.  If you find yourself being more negative than positive on a regular basis, if you find yourself feeling sad or sorry for yourself more often than not, you can take steps to change this.

“A sick thought can devour the body’s flesh more than fever or consumption.” ― Guy de Maupassant

When you think a negative thought or have a negative experience, ask yourself how you can put a positive spin on it, how you can change that thought – and do it!  It’s always possible to have done things differently, perhaps better, but you have the chance to do your best every day, from right now and into the future.  This goes back to not beating yourself up over what happened in the past but it also impacts the present and the future.

If you have ever noticed how quickly your mood can change based on an insult or a compliment, imagine what you are doing to yourself when you use negative statements when talking to yourself.  How would you feel if someone else were saying the same things you say to yourself to you?

Do you ever have one of those head slapping moments, when you say, “God am I stupid or what,”?  Instead of asking yourself if you are stupid, change it around a bit, “Wow, am I brilliant that I realize that I made a mistake.”

Every time you have a negative thought, turn it around into a positive statement, make it a game.  You may be surprised by how many negative things you say to yourself over the course of a day without realizing it.  It is possible to take action and to change patterns of thinking on your own. There are six action strategies that bring the quickest results in breaking out of the negative thought patterns that maintain your depression.

Keep track of your negative thoughts, assess just how much of your thinking is negative.  You can do this through using your journal.  Just jot them down, “I thought I was unattractive.”  “I hate my job.”  “I hate myself.” “I hate my life.”  “I am an idiot.” “He is an idiot.”  “I really dislike her.”  Even if they were seemingly fleeting or harmless, if you remember them, write them down.

Write down the thoughts that focused on problems rather than solutions and the times you have thought of yourself as a victim.  Write about your feelings of hopelessness or despair, your feelings that nothing will ever work out.  Are you thinking in black and white, all or nothing terms?

After a few days of doing this journaling, you will have a good feel for what kind of negative thinking you are doing, how often, and what situations trigger the negative thinking.  You may be surprised at how often you have negative thoughts and you may be startled by what you are saying to yourself.  Would you talk like that to anyone else?

Some people use a rubber band around the wrist and snap the rubber band every time they think a negative thought (might get quite painful for some); others carry a talisman like the chips provided by AA or other organizations.  Being aware of your negative thoughts and what you do with them is an important step in stopping them and converting them to positive thoughts.

When you write down your negative thoughts, think of a corresponding positive thought to replace recurring negative thoughts with. This can be as simple as changing self-statements from the negative to a positive statement that contradicts or diffuses the negative statement. You are going to encounter things you perceive as negative every day, someone neglects to say hello, is rude, thoughtless or otherwise hurts your feelings.

Step 1. Identify the things that bother you, depress you, or stop you from believing in yourself. What situations or events trouble you or detract from your self-esteem?  Perhaps you are not confident about certain skills you think you need.  You might have problems in your relationships, your job or your financial situation.

Step 2. Always be aware of your self—talk, your thoughts and your reactions, stop yourself when you start negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is easy.  You have to stop it.  Take a positive pill and the minute a negative thought comes into your mind, banish it, throw it out, erase it with a positive thought, change “I hate myself” into “No I don’t, I love myself.”  Sometimes you have to really make a conscious effort to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.

Step 3.  Defeat negative thinking and recognize the danger points. Your ways of thinking about yourself and your life have been ingrained in you over the years.  Whether they are true or not, logical or not, they are probably not accurate and may be contributing significantly to a low sense of self-esteem.

“Be vigilant; guard your mind against negative thoughts.” — Buddha

Watch out for your danger points:

• Making a positive a negative by minimizing your accomplishments. “Anyone could have done it”; “it isn’t as good as it could have been.”  Revel in each accomplishment and don’t be afraid to compliment yourself or accept compliments from others.
• Black and white or all or nothing attitude. “I didn’t accomplish A so I am a failure and cannot go on to B.”  Life is rarely black and white, and in reality there is no all or nothing, life generally presents itself in pieces, in several shades of grey, accept the good and move on from the bad.
• Dwelling on the negative. “I made a mistake and now everyone will know that I am no good at what I do.”   There will always be negative aspects to a situation, focus on the positive and minimize the negative.
• Jumping to negative conclusions.  “No one has called back, I must have done something wrong.”  You need to remember that your priorities are not necessarily another person’s priorities, and that you have to keep trying and not take it personally if you don’t get your desired results.
• Giving credence to feelings as being facts.     “I feel like shit so I must be shit.”  You are not your feelings, your feelings are just that, feelings, they will pass.
• Putting yourself down.  “I am not as good as him. I am only a little person.”  Undervaluing yourself, comparing yourself to others, always being self-deprecating is not healthy, it is not only negative self-talk, but you are passing the news on to others.

Replace Negative Statements With Positive Statements

Replace your negative statements with positive statements.  You need to stop using the negative statements to either yourself or others.  It is easy to beat yourself up; sometimes it becomes a habit, a reflex, getting up in the morning, looking in the mirror, saying something negative to yourself. Perhaps you feel guilty about something, inadequate in some way, perhaps you feel insecure in the way others feel about you.  Negative thoughts and emotions are often rooted in the past and very much ingrained, but they can and do come up on a daily basis based on situations we are confronted with.

“Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power” – William James

I sometimes make negative statements to myself I don’t even really mean, but they are so ingrained, I find myself saying them in my head regardless.   Recently, I started kidding about being old, then I started feeling old, when I looked in the mirror, I felt I looked old.  It was a chain reaction, first a few words in jest, then a pervasive thought, then a belief.  Things sneak up on you that way.  Sounds a bit silly when it is written here, but it is true.

EIGHT STEPS FOR OVERCOMING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

To overcome any negative thought or statement, you can use this eight step process to create new positive statements and eliminate the worst of your negativism.

1. Where does the thought or statement come from?
2. Why do you think it is true?
3. Is it really true?
4. If it is true, can you change it?
5. If you can’t change it, can you accept it?
6. What is negative about it?
7. What is positive about it?
8. Create your new, positive, statement.

Here is an example: Thought:  I am getting old Reality: I am getting older, but so is everyone else Negative beliefs about getting old:

• I have fewer opportunities.
• I am less attractive than I used to be.
• I am not fit any more.
• I could die soon.

Positive beliefs about getting old:

• I am wiser.
• I can take advantage of my experience to make the best of my life.
• I have the time to be even more physically fit than I was when I was a lot younger.
• I am only as old as I feel
• I am grateful for every moment I have

Obviously I cannot change the fact that I am getting older, but I can change my perception of it.  I can change my statement, instead of feeling the dejection of saying I am old, I can feel the empowerment of getting older, I am older, wiser, better than ever.  What’s more, there are people that are many years older than me still living full and wonderful lives.  I feel better already!

Why do I feel better?  I feel better because I have reframed my statement, I am not old, I am getting older, but so is everybody and what is the alternative anyhow?  I am getting older, so is everyone.  I have changed my statement from “I am old” to “I am getting older and better”.  I have framed it positively and I can smile about it.

Whatever it is that you say repeatedly to yourself, even subconsciously, you can change it, you can reframe it—convert the negative into a positive.  If you have a tendency to make a general negative statement, “I hate myself”, “I am an idiot”, “I am unattractive” – whatever it is, you can reconstruct it and reframe it.  Use the eight steps above to diffuse the negativity and find the positive. Another method is to use the opposites – “I love myself because…”, “I am intelligent because…”, “I am attractive because…”.  I highly recommend using the Eight Steps for Overcoming Negative Thoughts – using the opposites may work but it won’t have the sticking power of going through the eight step process. Finally, keep track of your negative thoughts and see if there is a way you can turn them around – find positive thoughts to replace the negative ones or deal with the situations that are causing the negatives thoughts.

SEEBEDO Your Negative Thoughts

See yourself in a positive light.  See the positive side of things.

Be aware of negative self—talk and thoughts.  Be consequent about replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts.

Do what you can or need to do to remedy the situation causing the negative thoughts.